Inside of This Single Girl is a Heart of Fear
Nothing stimulates fear in the heart of a single woman like inexplicable explosions. I bought my place three years ago. While I was thrilled with my new home I was nervous. I went against the grain, defying the wishes of my parents and friends. I moved into a neighborhood that was in transition. Accordingly, it was somewhat risky. I secretly wondered whether buying this house reflected poor judgment. I believed in the promise of the neighborhood, but wondered deep down whether everyone else was right.
I am embarrassed to acknowledge in print what single women around the world lie about. We are independent and self-sufficient. however, we are also terrified of being murdered in our beds at night. All of those damned Lifetime movies have fueled our fantasies and made us fear that which we crave. Eventually however, we realize that our reality is good, and we're safe and sound. And we laugh at being so insecure.
However, one evening, my fears were manifested. Something designed to entertain and thrill filled my heart with fear. I'm talking about fireworks. I live near PNC Park where the Pittsburgh Pirates play. During home games they have fireworks. However, nobody told me about the fireworks when I first moved here. So, the first time I heard the explosions, while I laying in bed, all comfortable in my four hundred thread count, sateen sheets, I was terrified. As I lay alone in bed, I believed that there was a gang war outside of my window. I didn't know what to do. So I did what any reasonable woman would do, I hit the deck. I was on the floor alone, questioning all of my relationship choices over the past few years.
My mind was racing with thoughts. And since I was already on the floor of my room, somehow believing that made me safer from gunshots than calling the police, my thoughts were very irrational. I thought that perhaps I should have stayed married to a man I didn't appreciate. Perhaps I should have married that rich man that I didn't love. Perhaps I should have remained with my parents after relocating to Pittsburgh. Or, perhaps, I should have moved to Shadyside where the other yuppies live instead of being a pioneer. Eventually, the noise went away and I went to asleep, confident that there were dead bodies of young gang bangers laying bloody in the streets.
Well, joy and sanity come in the morning. As I walked to my car, I saw a neighbor who looked well rested and unafraid. I was confused. So, I sheepishly asked, " What did you think about all of the noise last night?" My neighbor calmly responded, "You mean the fireworks? You'll get used to it." On one level, I felt foolish. On another, I felt smart because I was right. My neighborhood really was safe.
Because I live alone, I still get afraid sometimes. However, surviving the fireworks scare made me feel more confident. Every time I hear them, like I did the other night when the Steelers beat the Ravens in overtime, I remember that fateful night. Then I smile about how far I have come. And I drift off to sleep.
Straw rejects "police state" fear over MP's arrest - Reuters UK
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