Sacred Sexuality - The Breath Of Intimacy
There is profound spiritual energy in love and intimacy. Tantric (or Transformative) yoga is a spiritual system, if you will, and in Tantric teachings, sexual love is a sacrament, and Tantra's goals are more exalted and broader in scope than simply to accomplish proficiency in sex. The ultimate goal is spiritual union with the cosmic consciousness, God, or whatever your particular words are for a higher power. Tantra can both elevate and deepen a couple's relationship. Think of it as the art of conscious loving. Tomes have been written on it and it's certainly worthy of deeper exploration.
For Dr. Johanina Wikoff, noted psychologist and Tantric instructor, the door to Tantra that she had been searching for opened when a book literally fell from a bookshelf and landed at her feet. The book was "Tantra, Spirituality and Sex," by Osho Rajneesh. She picked it up and sat down to read it on the spot. She recalls, "It was exactly what I had been looking for. It was about reverence, it was about honoring, and about lovemaking as a meditation and a sacrament, a celebration and liberation. It won me over and I began reading every thing that I could."
Says Wikoff earnestly, "The most important thing in lovemaking, the thing that makes for great sex, and even good sex, is the ability to be present, to be present in your body, to be present to your partner, to their touch, the way they smell, the way they feel, aware of everything about them. To feel and fully experience the sensations of the moment. Being present is very simple. It is attention and breath. If you take a deep breath, you can't be in the past, or worrying about the things that might happen tomorrow. When you are paying attention to the breath and to the body, you are present, you are right there. That is what I do with people; I teach them how to be present to their experiences."
Tantra, as Wikoff discovered, has informed and inspired generations in the art of lovemaking and conjugal skills. This controversial body of wisdom includes art, music, poetry, science, philosophy and, to a lesser degree, the martial arts. It appeared in India sometime around the 8th century and flourished there for more than 400 years, during which time it spread into Tibet and eventually China and Japan. As Tantric teachings radiated throughout the East, they inspired new schools of intimacy such as the Tibetan Arts of Love, the Japanese Pillow Book, Taoism, and the fabled Kama Sutra in India. All of these children of Tantra have one thing in common: a reverence for the spirit of ecstasy.
Wikoff's search had begun several years earlier when she walked away from the soul-draining demands of her advertising career in order to create a more rewarding, sustainable life. She headed for the peace and unhurried pace of the Northern California mountains. After settling in, she put her energy into starting a community school for children and recalls, "Once I got there, built a house, and started working with the kids, I realized that I needed something to keep me from going crazy without the distraction of the world. It occurred to me that meditation would be a very good and natural thing to do. So I began meditating and was drawn to the teachings of a man named Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche."
Trungpa, a Tibetan Buddhist, was one of the people most responsible for popularizing Buddhism in America and who eventually founded the renowned Naropa School in Boulder, Colorado. Wikoff began to study Trungpa's work in earnest and was thrilled when he opened a meditation center nearby. "It was through his teaching that I eventually became aware of Tantra," she remembers. "So I began asking questions and kept hearing references to this little known left-hand path that has to do with sexuality. When I would ask why we were not studying this, I was told, 'It's very dangerous. You must study for a very long time.'"
She did. And although the trail of her studies would turn out to be a winding one, a common thread guided her -- her desire to understand the breath and the role that it can play in accessing and understanding emotions.
"My awareness of the importance of breathing developed while we were snowed in one winter," she recalls. "I was suffering from a bronchial asthma attack and spent two weeks treating myself with herbs and struggling from one breath to the next. During that time I noticed that emotions started coming up, memories began coming up, and I was aware of every thought in my mind. I recognized that it was a powerful gateway, a vehicle for knowing myself and understanding where I was cut off from my feelings. I decided that when I recovered, I was going to learn all I could about the breath."
She started with yoga, herbs, and meditation techniques, and then eventually discovered Reichian therapy and bioenergetics. "Once I got to the Reichian therapies I had the big 'aha!'" she exclaims. "Oh, I see now! When we hold emotions in the body we hold our breath! When we are afraid, what do we do? We hold our breath. When we are angry or in shock, we hold our breath. Once I recognized that connection I continued to explore, and one teacher led to another. I eventually synthesized what I do now, what I know now, which is specializing in relationships and sexuality."
As Dr. Wikoff discovered, however, this kind of keen breath awareness in Tantra can unearth emotional issues and memories that have been buried for years. People may find that they are angry with their partner, or that they have recollections of unpleasant experiences or abuse. If these issues arise, they must be worked through and resolved. But the ability of this intimate awareness to remove the barriers to communication and honesty is what makes it so powerful and compelling. When you achieve this, when you are present, aware, and breathing, the body relaxes and becomes more receptive. At that point the energy that is generated during lovemaking can expand and flow through your whole body. This is the foundation of all Tantric techniques.
"Sexuality is such a powerful force," she continues. "It brings everything to the surface. In our culture we have so much addiction. One could use Tantra as an excuse to indulge those addictions. This is why it is such a dangerous path, and why it requires years of experience to master. You have to be attentive and able to recognize when you are conscious and respectful, and when you are losing yourself and becoming indulgent. Tantra teaches us that if we are mindful and present, we can indulge in our passions and desires without letting them control us. Knowing yourself and being aware is the way of Tantra."
Tantra will likely remain a source of controversy, but not for Wikoff. When she stepped in to that Northern California bookstore and began the journey down the "left hand" path, she found the new life she had been seeking; a life that exchanged the buzz and bustle of the boardroom for awareness, presence and desire. With it came the opportunity for her to not only find personal fulfillment, but to teach a new generation of seekers how to breathe deeply, embrace life, and create more passion and love in their lives.