Forgiving To Gain More Power And Freedom

The tension grew all morning before it blew up into a fight with my partner. I was so angry at her. I stormed around through the rest of my day fuming and letting my frustration rob me of the joy I could have had throughout the day. When I finally calmed down enough and had the opportunity to talk with her about it, I unleashed the entire day"s worth of anger that had grown within me, driving a nice wedge between us. The poison had worked. We would soon die a slow, mindless death. Where could I find the antidote for this poison that was killing us? I sat alone in my office, with the slowly dawning realization that the only cure was forgiveness. Thankfully, I was able to ask her forgiveness for blasting away with my anger. She was understanding and also apologized for her part in the fight.

The act of forgiveness didn"t make everything instantly rosy again. Instead, what we gained was freedom; the freedom for us to begin in a new way. That"s the most wonderful part of forgiveness. It can free us from ourselves, it can free us from the power of the offender, and it can free us from the restraints of a poor choice. If I had chosen to hang on to the anger, it would have become larger and larger. Forgiveness gives us back the ability to control who we want to become.

When we attach our feelings to that moment when we are wronged, we give those feelings an immortal life of their own that can even outlast the life of the offender. By recognizing the feelings as simply a reaction rooted in our history and psyche, we can more easily move towards the act of forgiveness.

One aspect of forgiveness that is often overlooked is forgiveness of your self. When you forgive your self using the power of responsibility and humility, you gain the insight to see what your potential could be. Forgiveness is a gift of love to yourself that helps you to rise again to the fullness of your potential. By forgiving your self, you demonstrate to others the kind of love and respect you deserve.

Forgiveness is not to be confused with tolerance or forgetting. John F. Kennedy once said "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names". If we tolerate or ignore an offense against us, we only serve to empower the offender to do more of the same. When we forgive, it is like turning on a bright light in a dark room, showing the true nature of the act and its effects. It is only in the presence of this light that we can see to do anything different. When the light of forgiveness shines on a wrong, it heals all who are ready for it. It is not in our control to determine how the other will react. We can, however, choose to allow the healing to come to ourselves.

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