Are You Important To Him
I can"t count the number of emails I"ve received at my website from women who want explanations for why a man they"re interested in won"t commit. He says he loves her but he doesn"t act like the relationship is important to him. How does he do that? Well according to the emails I"ve received, here are the top four ways men don"t seem to really be putting their all into relationships:
1. They don"t call enough. One frustrated email talked about a relationship in which the man rarely called. If she didn"t call him they could go a week without talking to each other.
2. They show up late or cancel dates at the last minute.
3. They are reluctant to completely cut ties from a previous relationship.
4. They seem to only have an interest in sex.
The answer on this type of behavior is simple. You"re clearly not his top priority! I know that sounds harsh and cold. But I"m known for telling it like it is. I"m a psychologist and I could paint a big complicated picture of this behavior using theories and models of human behavior but it would still come back around to the simple fact that he isn"t as into the relationship as you are. It all boils down to his priorities. Here"s the bottom line about men. Men work by priorities. Everything in our lives is about prioritizing things to meet the goals we have for ourselves.
There"s nothing like the focus of a man who wants to start a new business. He will mortgage his home, borrow from friends and relatives, and sleep on the floor in a barren one bedroom apartment if that"s what it takes for him to make his new business survive and grow.
Or, what about the man who loves his car? He will save for months to get new auto accessories or that new high performance engine he wants. He will study for hours on how to do repairs. He"ll recruit friends to help him.
Love is no different for a man. It is either a priority for him or it isn"t. This all has to do with timing. If a man is at a place in his life at which he wants to pursue a loving relationship, you can bet on it that he"ll find one. But if he"s not, you can bet on it that the woman who wants to be his priority will find herself experiencing one or all of the neglect issues mentioned at the beginning of this article.
So how do you know a man places you as a top priority? It"s not about what he says, it"s about what he does. Look for these clues:
1. You are part of his planning process. When he makes major decisions you"re included in them. For example, you don"t find out that he"s been offered a job overseas the day before he has to make the decision.
2. Sex, or talk of sex, isn"t your entire relationship. In other words, you can really have dinner and get into the conversation and relish the feeling of just enjoying each other"s company for the sake of it.
3. He calls you during the day just to touch bases, not because he feels compelled to do it.
4. He listens to you. He"s actively interested in your life. Conversations aren"t only about him and what he did that day.
5. He"s put the women of his past behind him. You"re not in a competition with an ex- girlfriend or ex-wife who keeps popping into his life.
I usually try to avoid such prescriptive lists. But some of the alarming emails I"ve received lately made it necessary. Having said that, don"t let this or any other list form your total opinion. My best advice is to watch what he does instead of listening to what he says. A man"s actions will tell you where you are on his list of priorities and you"ll never have to wonder again.
Dr. William July is a bestselling author & psychologist. His titles include Understanding The Tin Man (Doubleday) and Confessions of An Ex-Bachelor (Doubleday). He frequently appears on radio and television shows nationwide. You can get relationship tips and insights by watching his video blog and listening to his podcast at Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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