Is Marriage Counseling Needed? A Case Scenario
A young couple relocates to a new area. They are hundreds of miles away from family and friends. The husband works full time and the wife is a stay at home mom. They have been in their new area about 1 year. The wife is becoming bored, lonely and depressed as she does not have any friends or significant social life. Her husband talks a lot about work when he comes home. He then spends an inordinate amount of time talking on the phone with his work colleagues and friends that he has made. He goes out frequently without his wife often staying out through the wee hours of the morning. Is this a case where marriage counseling is needed?
A gut reaction would be to answer this question as yes, absolutely. There are some serious and significant issues developing in this relationship. A professional counselor should be able to identify the root of the problems that both individuals in this relationship are not seeing or have ignored. Once these problems have been diagnosed then the counselor can establish a workable plan that will allow this couple to resolve these major issues.
In looking a little deeper at this situation marriage counseling may not be needed right away. Why would I say that? Well, we don't know if this couple has ever even discussed this situation or the problems that the wife is perceiving. Hard to imagine but the husband may not even be aware that there is a problem. If the wife never speaks up to express her feelings he may think everything is fine, so why change. The first thing that needs to occur here is the wife needs to communicate to her husband how she feels and make him aware of these issues. I know, it's hard to believe that he doesn't see it but some people are just that oblivious or just don't care OR she is putting up a good front and doesn't show that anything is wrong.
Another deeper issue in this situation is why doesn't this wife have any friends or why isn't she developing a social network of her own? Has she made any attempt or effort to meet people and make friends? If she is a stay at home mom with young kids then certainly there are play groups, play dates, support groups, child activity centers, and community events centered around children that she could become involved in in order to meet other like moms that may be in her situation. Yes, the husband has issues in this relationship but the wife is relying solely on him for support. She needs to make an effort to take care of herself.
Is marriage counseling needed in this case. I think there are several things this couple can do between themselves prior to initiating the help of a professional counselor. If they are unable or unwilling to resolve their issues then I would recommend the help of a professional.
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Peter Harris is a health care professional and author and writes frequently about relationships.
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
Added: September 10, 2008
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