Marriage Conflict - Destructive Behaviors That Kill a Marriage
There are common destructive behaviors in marriage conflict. If left unchecked, these behaviors are a sure way to kill a marriage. In the United States we languish with a dismal success rate for marriage. Unfortunately it's true that more marriages fail than survive. First marriages fail more than 51% of the time while the rate of failure in second marriages climbs to over 70%. How do we avoid the trap of failure? If we are aware of the destructive behaviors and take appropriate action to avoid them, we have a greater chance for success in our relationships.
First and foremost of the marriage killing behaviors is infidelity. Infidelity is a betrayal of trust and sends the message that marriage is unimportant. Take that a step further and ask the question, if someone cheats on a spouse or is having an affair with a married person, do we honestly think that over time the same situation won't repeat itself?
For a marriage to be successful, the spouse and the marriage need to be a priority. When we place our careers, our hobbies or favorite pastimes, even our children as more important than our spouse and our children, we are doomed for failure in our relationships. Make your spouse the priority and the joy and content will trickle down in to everything else you love about your life.
We need to be emotionally available to our spouse. Men don't need to fix the problems women face but need to be empathetic to their needs and be good listeners. Women need to be empathetic to the stresses men put on themselves to be strong and successful. Simple words of affirmation may go a long way.
Perception is reality. What our spouse believes is their own reality. It's not a matter of being right or wrong, it's about what they believe to be true. Denying their feelings with statements like "why would you think that" or "that's really stupid" only invalidates their feelings and concerns.
Maintaining a strong bond with your spouse requires integrity. Integrity manifests in many different areas of life. The most important is honesty, say what you mean, mean what you say. Lying to a spouse may avoid a conflict one day but will slowly erode the relationship until that spouse uncovers a web of lies and deceit that has been spun over time. Game over.
Being critical of a loved one is another time released killer of a marriage. I've heard it said that "when we point a finger at someone else, there are three more pointing back at us". Try it, you'll see. There is no perfect relationship nor is any one individual perfect. Perfection is each individual giving their best for the marriage. Accept the faults and shortcomings of a spouse; it's what kept them from finding someone better.
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