How to Win An Argument With Your Fiance
So you and your fiancé had a fight and neither of you want to be the first to say "I'm sorry." That is totally understandable because as human beings we all have egos and somehow this society has taught us that we are "bad" or "wrong" if we admit that we've made a mistake. Not to worry - there is an art to "winning" arguments with your spouse or fiancé without emasculating him and without you having to betray your own feelings and thoughts.
Let's say your fiancé is not so enthusiastic about the details and all of the planning that goes on into a wedding. He's just not that enthusiastic about which flowers should be bought, where each person stands, etc. You are hurt because you take this to mean that he does not really care about you and that the wedding is a small thing to him - am I right? I mean, after all, if he reallyloved you, he wouldn't be acting so blasé about the whole thing.
He, on the other hand, cannot understand why you are making a big Magila over the whole thing. You tell him he's selfish for what you perceive as a callous attitude towards the wedding, and he tells you that you are too controlling. You run out of the room in tears and he doesn't run after you. What do you do?
First, just know that most people really only want to be understood. They want to know (or at least think) that you see their perspective. To give that impression to your fiancé the first thing you need to do is let go of your false pride. Be the first one to initiate an apology or at the very least open the lines of communication with your body language. You can smile (at the universe if you don't want to smile at him yet) or just look relaxed and approachable. Chances are that when he sees your openness, he will say something to you. When he does, you then zip your lip and do not interrupt him until he is completely finished. Doing a simple thing like not cross-talking can do wonders for both parties. It allows you to discipline and restrain yourself from saying anything you will regret and it benefits him because he will be less angry and aggressive if you are calm, open, and unchallenging.
The first ingredient in resolving an argument though, is level-headedness. By not speaking while your fiancé is speaking and even giving him a warm smile gives the impression that you are listening and that you understand. That doesn't mean you agree with what he is saying. The point is you are diffusing the situation by keeping quiet and having open body language that says you are receptive. Don't cross your arms, or legs, as that is a sign of shutting down and not wanting to let anyone in.
Second, you must listen to what your fiancé is saying. First try paying attention to his body language. Is he leaning forward toward you in an aggressive stance? Is he sitting calmly in his chair speaking in a low tone? Pay attention to his body language. Then listen for emotions in his voice other than anger. Listen for hurt, sadness, fear, and even give an understanding nod. These acts will show him that you are listening to his point of view. Again, this in no way means you agree with him. The point is sometimes listening to what the other person is saying in a non-critical way, will give you the upper hand. Because most people just want to be understood. You don't have to solve the problem at hand, you just need to listen with empathy.
Third, if you really love this person, it is important to develop a desire to understand their point of view. Put yourself in their shoes and then try to understand why they feel the way they do. By trying to show your fiancé that you truly understand how he feels, that simple act of empathy diffuses the situation and often times his behavior will mirror yours. Also, arguments are just unique perspectives we each have on a given topic. They are not facts. Arguments are just opinions. Each person has a differing view and falsely believes that the other person is "wrong" for believing or perceiving the same situation in a different light. Remember that what is true for you or I, may not be true for another.
Lastly, it's not always necessary to express your opinion about everything. Let the other person be "right" or "win". A wise person once told me to ask myself these questions before I open my mouth: 1) Does it need to be said? 2) Does it need to be said now? 3) Does it need to be said by me? and 4) Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? Asking myself those four questions often times helps me stay out of arguments and/or prevents the escalation of one.
So, what do you both do now that you have each listened empathically to the other and have a true understanding of each other's behaviors and motives? Well, it's time to kiss and make up! How do you do that? Well, for the man, you can start by buying her a gift. Women love two things most in the world - jewelry and flowers! Why not pick out some beautiful diamond studded earrings for her online at Diamonds International? She will be so swept off of her feet if you purchased her Diamond International's 14K white gold diamond studded earrings weighing in at 1.5 carats! But before you purchase her those diamond earrings, you must send her a beautiful bouquet of roses! Give a buzz to 1800-FLOWERS and have them send her the biggest bouquet of roses she has ever seen!
For the bride to be, you have some making up to do yourself. Why not treat your fiancé to one of his favorite items at Charles Tyrwhitt of London, like their beautiful man tailored shirts which come in all sizes and colors. Charles Tyrwhitt of London specializes in the finest men's casual and business attire in a range of fashionable colors and affordable prices.
One last thought - never go to bed angry. Always discuss with each other why you are so hurt or angry. If you go to sleep angry, you will wake up angry. So now that you've kissed and made up (hopefully), you can visit my website and get a Free 15 minute consultation for more relationship and dating advice.
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