4 Conversations High Earning Women Must Have to Avert Relationship Difficulties in Marriage
Being a high earning woman you know what it means to take action to achieve a desired outcome. It takes guts, preparation, an ability to envision what can be over what is, inspiration, and encouragement, and even dogged determination among other things. It's these and other qualities that have helped you to achieve all that you have on the professional front.
It takes the same kind of behavior and choices to achieve what you desire in your most personal relationship of all, your marriage. Yes, personal relationships are dynamically different from professional relationships because at the end of the day or the project or venture you go your way and they go their way.
In a marriage relationship you're both going the same way-home, at the end of the day. As a result, forestalling in the face of unresolved issues doesn't work very well for any length of time. For one thing, you can't quite get away from them. Sure, you can avoid, delay, and flat out refuse to deal with them. But to do so is to eventually pay a price in the climate of your relationship. There's something to be said for looking fear right in the face and moving forward.
And when the issue is earning power, it needs to happen sooner rather than later. As I have thought and talked about this important issue I am thoroughly convinced that there are four "must-have" conversations every high-achieving or high earning woman needs to engage her partner in. They are absolutely essential to the ability to freely and fully express your humanity authentically. They are as follows:
1. Your Identity as a Couple. This is the most important of the four must-have conversations. You and your partner need to discuss who you are together. You need to have a mutual understanding of what your marriage is about. In other words, you need to have a vision for your marriage. This is a conversation upon which all the others are established. You could say it's a pillar. This is not an "I" and "me" conversation, but rather a "you and me" an "us and we" conversation. It answers the question, Who Are We? This is a "couple" task.
2. Your Personal and Relational Needs. In this conversation you have to be willing to openly disclose what your needs are. Unmet needs are the basis for the various issues that come up in your relationship. Anything that is a concern or is of importance to you and/or your partner is an issue. All of us have both needs and issues as individuals and couples. Changing or unexpected circumstances or feelings of dissatisfaction about a situation or event often point to an issue or a need. This is universal and normal. To keep moving along positively and as a team you need to stop and discuss the personal and relational issues that have arisen and the needs involved.
3. Your Role Expectations and Responsibilities. In this conversation you want to explore one another's expectations about how the important things in your life together are going to get done. This is a conversation about the care of your children, housework, and shopping, maintenance and repairs, relatives and friends, in-laws and ex-spouses, etc. Having a mutual understanding and acceptance in these areas is essential to keeping yourselves positively connected and working together.
4. The Impact of Earning Power and Potential. In marriages where women out earn their partners it is imperative to be able to sit down together and discuss this. An effective discussion about it means you and your partner will engage in a rational and objective conversation with the goal of gaining perspective on how earning power or earning potential has influenced or can influence how you relate to each other. This is a nonthreatening and non-judgmental exchange between you that is direct, truthful, and responsible. When properly engaged, the outcome for you and your partner is greater esteem and respect.
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