Prisoner of Love
After reading my horoscope in the Romance Department yesterday, it got me to thinking about boundaries. Here's what it said: "Setting boundaries is the key to handling relationship issues, especially as your responsibilities mount. Just remember that the key to setting boundaries is being willing to explore and reset them regularly."
What actually are boundaries? Many people think they are walls that you place between you and your partner so that you don't ever allow him fully in. While it's true that boundaries by design will protect you and keep you safe within your scope of security, they are not actually walls.
Walls are usually in place from early on in your life. They were probably built after you discovered the outside world - including parents, siblings, peers, teachers, authority figures - was not safe. In fact, most of us have been in rather precarious situations throughout our young lives which created much insecurity and instability.
The natural tendency then becomes one in which you seek to protect yourself from any further horrors and devastation. Because most of us at an early age don't have the tools to create secure boundaries that would prevent further victimization, we instinctively build great walls, solidly constructed, to do the job.
The problem with walls, however, is that as efficient as they are in keeping others out, they're equally adept at keeping you in. Now for a while, this certainly seems to be the ideal solution. It provides us with a much needed and valuable time-out from the world so we can rest and heal from our wounds.
The only thing is we don't actually heal when enclosed in our wall. The wall serves to justify our victim mentality by providing a constant reminder that we are only safe as long as we keep it in place. Sometimes as the years pass, we build it even higher and stronger creating an even better barricade.
So what's a better solution now that you're an adult striving to have a loving relationship?
Well, if you could start taking one brick at a time out of your wall and begin peeking through to the outside, you might begin to realize that what you feared the most is no longer out there waiting for you.
Naturally this should be done slowly and probably with the help of a professional, but tear down that wall, or dissolve that iceberg you must, if you ever expect to have a healthy thriving relationship with someone.
And what goes in place of your wall... boundaries, naturally! Boundaries, created out of love for yourself, are somewhat more permeable than walls, which were formed out of fear. Boundaries can be set and put in place based on what you feel in the present is necessary to draw the line on.
In other words, you get to decide as your life moves forward, what boundaries are important for you to maintain and sustain, and which ones can be moved or changed or tweaked. You choose based on your current beliefs, but the beauty of boundaries is that while they provide protection, you are no longer a prisoner within your own walls!
In Loving Light,
Dr. Pamela
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
Added: October 7, 2008
Winter Park: New grill crosses culinary boundaries - Sky Hi Daily News
No work boundaries, ex-Fumo aides testify - Philadelphia Inquirer
Love Beyond Boundaries - New York Times
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