Fate and Missed Chances
Can you still be a cynic if you believe in fate? I have been pondering this question for what appears to be months now. I would say I was a cynic, and if astrology has any real existence then I, as a Libra should be able to balance that question. There is one side of me that thinks things do not happen randomly. That there is a preordained path for each of us to follow. I suppose our damn free will becomes a major detour to fate. The "shoulda, coulda, woulda's", have haunted all of us at times. Do we become our own detriment to fate's plans?
Readers, I apologize for using the usual 'boy meets girl' analogy to describe my views on fate. So be it.
What seems like a lifetime ago, I was assigned to my company's boot camp. The camp being a few days spent with strangers in Rhode Island at a printing school. I had a very nonchalant attitude about it. I would go, pretend to listen and pass the time by. Instead, fate or some demonic force introduced me to a man whom I would eventually question everything. It was your typical girl walks into room, the sea of people part, and our eyes lock. Hearts skip beats, pheromones leak out and dance between us. Pulling us to each other like tidal forces. He was to be my trainer. For the next several days, I would learn nothing of printing and everything about fate. We were inseparable every second we could be. Stealing moments outside to just breathe in each other. Writing silly love notes back and forth filled with our sarcastic and distinctive wit. Reveling in our cosmic connection. We spent one night in my hotel room, drinking vino and talking. We both knew what the electrical current being passed back and forth between us was telling us. We were meant to meet, and connect. Just not sure, at what level we were to take it.
At that time, he was involved with someone else, and I lived in another state. Therefore, fate was not going to get to lay her cards down yet. We said goodbye, promised to email each other, and that was that. I believe it was a week or so before the emails started. Then the phone calls. We became friends, commiserated together over what we perceived as the injustice of not getting to spend time together. We would make plans, they would fall through. Until he got an assignment from work to go to Philadelphia for a few days. Would I want to meet him there?
Fate bought the train ticket, fate took the cab with me to the hotel. Fate, as well drank Guinness with me while waiting for him to arrive. We fell in love. Although we did not know it, nor did, we tell each other. We made love, or had sex, depending on the mood I am in when remembering. We walked and held hands, learning about each other. Then we had to say goodbye again. It was your typical goodbye scene, woman in tears, man walks out the door. Woman sits, and attempts to pull herself together.
Time went by, more emails, more promises of meeting. Phone calls spent while sitting in the sun listening to his stories. Fate still playing her cards, playing with hearts. Eventually, I moved on, dating and enjoying my life. The phone calls continued until the day I announced I was getting married. Then as he put it, "he did not want to get in the way" and he was right in his considerations. We moved on.
Six years have gone by, and many times, he has crossed my mind. I would wonder was he happy, was he married? However, then it would pass. Until a year ago, when fate brought him back to me. He found me, I found him. Again, with the emails, the phone calls. Yet, it was different this time. This time, the letters were of his love for me, his sadness over our separation. We both are highly intelligent, artistic, creative, and have brains that rattle. Here we are again with our cosmic connection. Drawn to each other from the moment we met, a powerful, engulfing passion. Yet, we remain apart. Both unhappy in our present relationships, both unsure of what we feel for each other is true. Is it fated? Did fate bring us together, or was it some corporate boot camp? Does the universe have preordained plans for us? Does 'meant to be' really exist? Free will and fate. Can they co-exist happily?
This relationship has come to an end. Due to wanting to be honorable, due to fear of change and free will. How do we know when fate has played all her cards? Is it possible that we do not give fate her due? If we did, would we be happier. In our career choices, our creative outlets, our heart's desire? I believe we do not have to be saddled with our bad choices, that we can dream the big dream and allow fate's deal to be dealt. Sometimes to do that, we have to get out of our own way. I, as a proud cynic believe in fate, albeit cynically.
NFL picks: New England wont suffer same fate as first meeting ... - Asheville Citizen-Times
Dolphins Insider NFL picks: New England wont suffer same fate as first meeting ... Asheville Citizen-Times, NC - In Week 3 of this NFL season the Miami Dolphins paid a visit to Gillette Stadium and shocked the New England faithful with a convincing 38-13 win over the ... Quarterback reverse Patriots Out for Revenge in Miami Miami Dolphins impressed by Patriots QB Matt CasselNational City's fate draws small crowd for rally (video) - The Plain Dealer - cleveland.com
Michigan awaits its fate against Ohio State - MLive.com
Washington Post Michigan awaits its fate against Ohio State MLive.com, MI - by John Heuser The Ann Arbor News When the Ohio State-Michigan football game arrived each year, Greg Mathews would find himself in front of the TV. ... Michigan vs. Ohio State is 'heated, ugly rivalry' Rob Oller commentary: Rodriguez on path like Cooper's Ohio State Prediction: This ones all wrapped up