Losing That Loving Feeling
There's nothing that brings lightness to our footsteps the way that sparkle of love or attraction does. When we first set eyes upon someone we're attracted to and it's a mutual feeling all the senses come alive.
I love looking at people in the first weeks of their romantic relationships. Women just glow and men seem to stand a few inches taller. It's magical and contagious and we all want it to last forever. So how come it doesn't?
I've been spending the last weeks catching up with people I hadn't seen in a while. I expected to be overloaded with updates as there's usually loads to cover after long absences. I wasn't quite expecting the stories to be the same with only the characters a bit different. It almost felt as though each of my friends had taken the same writing course - similar plot, different setting.
They were all complaining about the same thing - losing that loving feeling with their partners. Some relationships were only months old and already they were noticing that the loving sparkle was fading into a mere twinkle. Other relationships had passed the 10-year mark. The only common sparkle they shared had more to do with fairy lights or birthday cake sparklers at their kids' birthday parties than any kind of loving connection.
The more I listened the more discouraged I felt that there seemed to be no good news stories around anymore about love that lasts the tests of time. I wondered what happened to those loving couples in the beginning of the "When Harry met Sally" movie. You know the cute silver haired couples who still held hands and spoke of their love stories with tenderness. The ones whose relationships still sizzled with humor and that loving glint in the eye every time they looked at each other.
So how do we lose that loving feeling? And more importantly how do we get it back?
From the various conversations I discovered some simple warning signs that could alert us to losing that loving feeling that The Righteous Brother's sang about years ago. These were the five common signs from the different conversations I'd had:
1. When we start criticising the little things our partners do
2. When we lose tenderness in our touch and physical connection becomes a hurried and routine thing
3. When we don't stop to kiss our partner anymore let alone close our eyes to enjoy the absolute pleasure of a loving kiss
4. When we lose our sense of humor and don't share laughter with our partner
5. When we can't find time to talk to our partner anymore about what's bugging us or what's making us happy and don't have the patience to listen to them
Once we recognise the warning signs, it becomes easier to find solutions, even tiny ones to turn our disconnected relationships around. These are the top five tips we came up with for bringing back that loving feeling.
1. Take time out to experience that loving feelings with ourselves. Everything starts with us. It's hard to give to others what we can't give to ourselves
2. Find our sense of humor. We all have one. We just have to remember to use it every day
3. Acknowledge, appreciate and compliment often especially in the little things. There's always something to be grateful for
4. Talk openly and honestly and always with a big helping of humor
5. Touch often - reassuring touches of the hand, gentle ruffling of the hair, gentle back or shoulder rubs and loads of hugs go a long way to regaining that loving feeling
Try these on for at least 21 days and bring back that loving feeling before it's "gone, gone, gone."
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