Loving a Friend Too Much
Here I go again! The voice of experience typing away at the keyboard with nothing more than a desire to share what some will not. I admit to my own stupidity at times. This is certainly one of them. I'm not ignorant, just enjoy life when I can, regardless of the emotional trauma to follow. You would think after a couple of divorces, I would have banned men for life. I was perfectly content with being alone until now.
I have been scared of relationships for quite some time. Most of my time is avoiding the opposite sex with all my might. I don't want people to know how I feel deep inside, male or female. Years of training myself to keep my thoughts, wants, and desires to myself. Train, train, and more training! I don't know of any man who can truly share his personal thoughts regarding romance either. Sex? No problem. Can't get them to be quiet! No wonder women like sappy love stories. It's a fantasy land for our wishing well.
When my best friend (Daniel died almost a year ago), all my secrets died with him. The one person who knew everything I wanted, needed, and desired. Sometimes it was him. We never lied to each other about our love lives. There was no commitment between us, so there was no judging each others actions. Nothing stood in our way to help each other out of ruts we managed to get ourselves into. All of our kids got along great too. We were truly blessed. As much as our children wanted us to be a couple, we declined. We were never intimate even though we slept in the same bed and held each other for comfort occasionally. The sky was the limit and we road every cloud together. Upon his death, I realized that he was the only person I could talk to. He is gone and I have subjected myself to a solitude that is deadly at times. Why? Trust and fear are the answers.
Have faith in yourself is the first thing you must do. Trust your instincts and you have a 50-50 chance. Keep in mind, this is from personal experience by a single mother. Nine out of 10 were losers. The tenth died. Make me wonder what the future holds.
At the present time it's nine out of eleven for the "loser" category. These are just random numbers to give you all an idea of the odds I have personally faced. I have a wonderful new male friend. We started out with just the regular conversations. Mostly personal history, kids (the love of our lives), occupations, etc. All of this leading up to where we are at now.Where are we? Six hundred miles apart! It doesn't stop us though. We've traveled together, had our intimate moments, talked for hours on end, and ultimately went back to our regular, every day lives.
It's a daily addiction just waiting to hear his voice. Does he know this? Yes, I've told him. Do I desire him? Yes, I have told him. Does his children have an impact on how much I tell him? Yes, most definitely. There is also a certain time to not say too much. (You can read about that in one of my other articles). Would I consider him a "best friend"? Yes. We have the same mental, physical, parental, and financial problems. Who better to talk to than someone who really knows what your going through. Two people surrounded by kids (chaos) and society, yet, we are lonely.
I have no regrets in my life and no intentions on accumulating any now. Am I willing to risk my heart one more time knowing that circumstances will keep us apart? Yes, I am. Does he know how much I fear relationships? Yes, he does. Am I willing to watch him walk away from me to raise his children? Yes, I am. Why, you may be wondering. I truly feel that a friend is always there when you need them. There also comes a time where people need to make huge sacrifices in order to help a friend succeed. It is irrelevant what they are trying to succeed at.
He knows how I feel and still supports our friendship. What more can I ask for? I write it all down in letters that he doesn't get to read. It's not like he can just drive up here and take them from me. When your older, have children, and live in separate states, it's pretty easy to want what you can't have. The other person doesn't need to know everything. If your emotions get too bottled up, just write everything down on paper. Get it out of your head so you can still focus on day-to-day tasks. It works for me. Maybe it will work for you too.
If you happen to have sex with your friend, be honest about your health. Take every precaution necessary to protect your relationship. Communicate on why it has come to this point. What will you both feel like afterwards? It is extremely emotional and you must be able to handle the situation no matter what your friend chooses to do or say. Be prepared for heartache, shock, and the possibility of remorse. If you have a great relationship to start with, and you never lie about how you feel, it doesn't matter what the final outcome is. You will always remember that you took the chance while it was there and you'll have no regrets later.
Be strong. Be happy. Be safe. The rest is just life...
Teen who broadcast suicide had relationship problems, friend says - TMCnet
ABC News Teen who broadcast suicide had relationship problems, friend says TMCnet - A close friend of Abraham Biggs Jr., the Florida teenager who broadcast his suicide to an Internet audience Wednesday, said Biggs had felt inadequate and ... Fla. man, 19, commits suicide live on Web 19-year-old Abraham K Biggs commits suicide live on webcam It is a Sick World: Teens Suicide Streamed Live on Internet