Divorce! Your Childrens Worst Nightmare
It is a sad fact that the majority of marriages end in divorce. I know, personally, how devastating that can be. Just imagine your pain, then multiply it by 100. That is how painful it is for your children! It just breaks my heart.
Even though you are completely consumed by your divorce, you have to put your feelings aside and be the 'bigger person' in your childrens' lives. No matter how much your ex tries to put you through, the way you handle it is directly proportional to how your children handle it.
Yes, I lost control of my marriage and couldn't stop the inevitable. But, the happiness and well being of my two boys was fully in my control! I focused on them 100%.
Some adults only think of themselves in any given situation. They are in the 'wrong' mindset to nurture their children. You must first get yourself into the 'right' mindset by telling yourself
1) I'm the adult here!
2) It was my decision to bring children into the world!(they didn't ask to be here!) and
3) The growth and well being of my children is my sole responsibility.
Don't worry about what your ex is or isn't doing. It doesn't matter! As long as your children have stability in you, that's all they need!
It is necessary to maintain as much normalcy as possible. Listen to and talk to your children. Don't ever try to buy their happiness! The same rules that applied before should apply now.
My two boys were ages 5 and 8 when I divorced their father. He remarried three months after our divorce was final (that's another book!) Immediately he started cramming his new wife down their throats and demanding they show her respect.
On weekend visits my boys were forced to follow a ridiculous list of rules, and they were treated like possessions. They couldn't wait to come home!
With me, our life was normal. I showed them respect, and that in turn taught them to respect me. I treated them like real people and let them know they could count on me no matter what!
That brings me to an important topic. R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Sadly, most adults think they deserve respect just because of their position in the family. The laws of respect apply here the same way they apply in the real world.
1) You have to earn respect!
2) You have to have the ability to show respect to others!
Today, my boys are ages 19 and 21! We are so close that others have approached me asking 'how I did it?' I smile, and tell them "My boys are my life and they know it! I developed the 'right' mindset, trusted my instincts, never lost my focus and let nature take its' course"!