Anger and Divorce - Use it Then Let it Go
During the weeks or months leading up to a divorce, it is perfectly normal to be dealing with a great deal of anger and resentment. This anger can be helpful to give us temporary strength to make the hard decisions that need to be made. Unfortunately, over time this anger can turn into bitterness, which can hurt everyone involved, including your children and even your friends.
Once a divorce is inevitable, your primary focus should be protecting yourself and your children. While some part of us wants to be "nice," we can and should use our anger to move forward with the difficult steps, such as ensuring that we receive our fair share of the divorce settlement, or that we're treated fairly in custody issues. Our anger can also be used to give us strength when establishing a new different type of relationship with our ex-spouse, and establishing fair ground rules for future interactions.
Anger can also drive us to make difficult yet positive changes in our lives. For example, exercise can be a good way to blow off steam. So if you feel yourself boiling, go for a long walk. Not only will it help you sort out your thoughts, but you will also start getting in better shape. If you do this enough, it will become a new positive habit in your life.
Finally, anger can help keep you from slipping into depression while the divorce is still new. Sometimes holding on to the anger for at least the first few months can help carry you through the tough times. But eventually you will need to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
At some point following your divorce, you will need to find a way to let go of the anger. As long as you hold onto it, your ex-spouse still has some measure of control of your life. Since your point should be to move on with your life, you shouldn't spend time thinking about your ex, even in anger.
The most effective way to let go of anger is to forgive your ex-spouse. This can be a very difficult step, especially in the case of infidelity. So it's very important to approach this in the proper manner. First you have to decide that you are ready to truly forgive your ex-spouse in your heart. Next you need to find a way to tell your ex that you've forgiven them. This can be face to face, on the phone, or even in an e-mail. For example, you might say something like, "we are not getting back together, but I want you to know that I forgive you."
Bill Webb is a relationship expert who helps individuals who are considering a divorce, going through a divorce or after a divorce. Visit Bill's blog, Divorce Advice to grab your copy of Bill's free report, "Children and Divorce." His blog is also full of free articles with tips on coping with divorce, helping your children deal with divorce, and even protecting yourself and your children as you prepare for a divorce. http://divorce-advice-and-tips.blogspot.com/
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
Added: June 10, 2008
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