Should I Consider Divorce?

Things have gone downhill in your marriage. You're not communicating. There's a lot of anger and resentment. When is it time to throw in the towel? Is what's left of your marriage worth saving? Can it be saved?

Unfortunately, you're the only individual who can answer these questions. Even as it is easy for many people to give up too rapidly, other people might try to hang in too long. Only through taking a hard look at your marriage and the state of your relationship can you ascertain the path that you should take.

If you discover yourself in a harmful relationship where you or your kids are in danger, you should quickly plan your way out. Also if your partner is caught up in criminal actions, or drug abuse, you should take steps to assure that you and your children aren't pulled down with him.

For a lot of people, an affair is reason enough for a divorce. If, however, you're the type to forgive and forget, if your spouse is reluctant to cease the affair, or repeatedly becomes caught up in affairs, staying in the marriage won't solve anything. Even a one-time indiscretion often causes a major strain on a marriage. It can take a great deal of work from both parties and lots of time to get past even an unplanned one-time affair. When lost, trust is very difficult to recover.

There are those whose primary instinct when a relationship starts to go sour is divorce. It is crucial to remember that a marriage is very rarely like a fairytale. It takes continual effort by both spouses to keep romance alive. It takes the dedication of both spouses and a willingness to listen to keep up good and candid communication. It also takes sacrifice by each spouse to assure that their partner's needs are met and that their sense of self worth is encouraged each day.

If your marriage is troubled from lack of communication, or intimacy, or incessant arguings and putdowns, it is in all likelihood still salvageable. Prior to looking at divorce in these situations you should first be sure that the following things have been considered first:

• Are you and your spouse willing and able to talk about the troubles in your relationship without the conversation degrading into an confrontation or worse?
• Have you and your spouse attended marriage counselling?
• Are you and your spouse able to establish and work at shared goals?
• Are you and your spouse able to compromise to be able to have quality time together?
• When you and your spouse argue, is it harmful or positive with a peaceful resolution?
• After an argument, do either you or your spouse hold a grievance or are you able to make up?

If you are able to talk with your spouse and convince them that you would like to work to save the marriage, while not implying that the effort has to be completely theirs, and if you don't demand that your spouse has to "make changes" in order for this process to begin, it is possible that with work, your marriage might yet be saved.

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