How Do You Know For Sure He Or She Is As Spiritually Committed As They Say They Are

How do you know when to bring up spiritual matters with a man or woman you just met or just started dating? And how do you know he or she is where they say they are spiritually?

You should feel free to bring up spiritual matters whenever it seems natural to you and the conversation. But you should not try to use spirituality to rush the other person into a relationship. Forcing that connection or trying to complete it too early can ruin something that began well. Again, go with what is natural to you. If you find yourself or the other person bringing up spiritual matters because you (or they) think it'll make the two of you much more closer (or suspect he or she is doing so), that should be a red flag. Some people use spirituality to create a sense of "we connect" and manipulate the other into something he or she is not ready for.

So how do you gauge the person is where he or she says he or she is spiritually?

It"s great that you have everything in common and can finish one another"s sentences and it"s great you feel like you"ve known the person your whole life, but the reality is, you haven"t.

The only way to gauge the other person is to give yourselves time to go through some things together. You can only truly get to know someone by experiencing life with him or her, and you cannot rush experience. As you experience life together, observe him or her in his or her natural environments as much as possible. Go public - hang out with each other"s friends and families. "Acting" is easier to keep up when it"s just the two of you but is hard when you are amongst people who know you and how you'd normally behave in certain situations. He or she is likely to slip up or someone else (family, friends, co-workers etc) will say something that can indicate to you that things are not what they seem to be.

You can also get a feel for where your date is spiritually by asking yourself things like:

1. Are you at different maturity levels in your spiritual walk?

2. Do his or her words match the fruit of his or her life?

3. Are you the only one always initiating spiritual conversations?

4. Are you carrying the spiritual weight of the relationship?

5. Can you count on the two of you "growing" together spiritually?

Connecting spiritually with the person you"re dating is extremely important. But it"s likely you won"t always be in sync. It"s common to be at different levels spiritually. Some are weak in certain areas, some are strong. We all grow at different speeds in different seasons. It"s important to recognize that spirituality is a journey and be patient with each other. In this way a dating relationship can be a great place to grow.

However, if one of you is much more serious than the other about a commitment to grow spiritually, something"s wrong. Dating relationships are about compatibility and connection. You"re going for a strong friendship because essentially you are gauging whether the relationship will lead to marriage. So, ideally, you"ll be at about the same maturity level in terms of how proactive you are in pursuing your spiritual growth. If you"re way out of balance in this area, one of you is going to start feeling like you"re always pulling the other up by his bootstraps, and you"ll end up resenting each other. Trying to "grow" someone in the context of a dating relationship is not fair or satisfying to either person involved.

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