Striking Balance in a New Relationship Rather Than Striking Out in a New Relationship!
Many Boomers who find themselves back in the forgotten waters of dating often wonder if it's worth it. They feel like they're sinking more than they're floating and want, frankly, just to swim for land! If you're one of these, I might have a few tips that'll serve as a raft. They may help you stay afloat - after all, Mr. or Mrs. Right may be headed your way.
One of the problems with entering the world of dating, after years away, is that the whole game has changed, namely because the players have changed. You are now an independent, well-rounded individual with several chapters of life under your belt. What's more, so are the individuals you'll be dating. The wide eyes of innocence have become the wise eyes of experience. Yes, these are all extremely positive things, but they do come with a price tag.
The price tag sings a familiar tune, the "Set in My Ways" blues. Boomers have lived their life the way they've chosen for more than a few years. They have their own way of doing things, saying things, buying things, etc. Boomers have places they like to go and places they have no intention of going. They have things they like to do and things they have no intention of doing. The good thing is, you'll never be in the dark for long, they'll let you know right away!
That's part of their charm, but it's also part of the problem. Boomers have to allow themselves to "back up" and look at the world with fresh eyes and an open mind. They have to keep reminding themselves not to be so "set in their ways" that they become like concrete. Who wants to date or even know a statue?
We should all make a point of keeping our minds as flexible as we keep our bodies. When we feel the need to overly assert our likes and dislikes, we should remember the episode of Andy Griffith when Andy's date, Lydia, bored him to tears with, "I do not like chit chat..." and details about the sun giving her the herpes. What a prize! We all have opinions, but they should never turn into stipulations. I've always taught my daughters to be on the look out for the number of things they say they don't like. If you find that you're often telling others how you don't like to do this or that, or you hate this food or that food - ask yourself how much fun you think you are to be around. Never let yourself come across as a stick in the mud or someone who thinks their way is the only way.
To me, this is the main problem boomers face when dating. They've become so set in their ways that they tend to close down, refusing to let fresh ideas in. We should all be open to other people's suggestions and ways of doing things. Should we ever compromise our principles or core beliefs? Bite your tongue! But we also shouldn't turn people away by being overly rigid and "Lydia-like."
A few other tips that come to mind are:
- Gauge how much the other person wants to talk about ex relationships and act accordingly. If he/she seems to want to get things out in the open, go for it. Maybe, once everything's out, there'll be no need to look at it ever again.
- You love your children, and you should! But if you talk about them NON STOP, it's as though you've brought them along for the date. If you aren't careful, you and your date will soon be surrounded by ex-lovers, children, pets, in-laws, lawyers, and friends. That's too crowded to even breath, let alone create a new relationship.
- Look your best at all times. Whether you're running for the Sunday paper, to Starbucks for a latte, or visiting the dentist - if you're in dating's warm waters again, you should be ready to dive at all times.
- Be well-read. Be sure you're able to talk about more things than just your family, work, or (even) episodes of House. Be sure to keep up with the news and current events. Broaden your horizons - learn new things, take up new hobbies, play new games, etc. The more you're able to do, the more interesting you'll be.
- Take good care of yourself. Eat right and get plenty of exercise, rest, and fresh air. Make health a priority.
- Most of all - enjoy yourself! As a genral rule, when we embrace life, it embraces us back. And it doesn't get any sweeter than that.
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