Textbook Controllers
The word "CONTROLLING" brings up all sorts of images for me. The most enlightening experience and the most life changing relationship I have ever had was a text book case.I believe that there is a definite three month period "honeymoon period" for the person to show their true colours. This generally starts from the very first day you become intimate. The "Controller" would be seem to be "The One".
They win you over along with your friends and your family, with their ability to be so very thoughtful, considerate, loving and generous. All the ways that we like to be treated. Our friends see how happy we are and they are very supportive. The family are also very happy. The "Controllers" have passed the test, with their absolute willingness to meet the clan. They will do the dishes, play with the little ones, compliment the elders and generally win everyone's heart. Not forgetting of course at the same time the "Controller" is a master at doting on you.
Life is good and you can never imagine how you ever survived without this person in your life. The seed has been planted! The communication and the gifts flow and with absolute ease, you have found "The One". A small amount of time passes and before you know it you are living together. Why pay two rents? The "Controller" just wants to be with you as much as is possible, they can't be without you. They have found their "Sole Mate".You become so ensconced in the relationship that you do not realise that it has been ages that any of your friends have popped around for a visit or phoned you for a chat.
When someone is knocking at the door the "Controller" is, out of the blue saying "who the hell is that visiting at this time of night". As you are on your way to opening the door you are looking at your watch, you realise that it is only 7pm. A crease appears between the eyebrows; and so it begins. The same thing happens when the phone is ringing several days later. "Who the hell is that phoning at this bloody time of night" Again the eyebrows start to crease. You think maybe they have had a bad day. Oh well, never mind. They'll be better after a good nights sleep.
Invitations are accepted by both of you and you are all dressed and nearly ready to leave the house, looking forward to your night out with your lover. The "Controller" in the last few minutes decides that they do not want to go, they have a little hissey fit and throw their toys out of the cot. You are then in a tail spin, do you go without them and have to make excuses, or do you stay home and have to make excuses as to why you have not gone yourself. What ever you decide you loose. There will be no right answer. The question you should ask yourself is "what is right about this I'm not getting?" What is right is, that this is wrong!
Something comes up with you and you end up having a huge argument with each other. The controller lashes out and calls you names and accuses you of all sorts of things that you have no idea where any of it has come from. You feel like your life has come to a crashing halt. The honeymoon period is over. Welcome to my true colours. The "Controller" has stormed off threatening to leave you.
When they return they are sobbing and hysterical, begging your forgiveness and promising that it will never happen again. The love of your life is asking for you to forgive them. What do you do? Forgive them of course! They are your sole mate.
It Carry's on and things change. The clothes that you wore when you met, that you looked sexy in, now become the clothes that make you look like a "slut". The make-up you have worn the whole time you have been together suddenly becomes too much. You look so much better with out make-up. Your weight which has not been a problem up till now. becomes the reason that you shouldn't eat those sweeties that the "Controller" buys and eats in front of you when you are watching a movie together.
Staying home becomes the easier option as when ever you do go out together, there is always someone who want to have sex with you. Or better still; someone who YOU want to have sex with. The crease between your eyebrows becomes a permanent fixture. It is easier to not see people and not go out anywhere. Going out is too much hassle. Slowly it becomes clear that you have lost heaps of your friends. They have given up inviting you as you never go anyway.
The "Controller" has got you where they want you now. At home. They seem to be working late and not answering their phone or are going to be home in half an hour. Low and behold the next thing you know they arrive several hours later. There will have been an accident on the motor way or the car had broken down, the phone battery died. There are so many excuses not to have been in contact with or come home on time.
Then you decide that the relationship is not working for you anymore. The relationship is at an end. You have the talk! The "Controller" will go from the sobbing mess clinging on to you begging you to change your mind to, verbally abusive name calling, to possibly even physically violent. Especially if they believe that you are going to stand your ground. this can all happen in a matter of seconds. They are losing their control! Things can get very scary. Things can get very very scary!
You will find that closing down the relationship will take a whole lot longer than it ever did to start up. The "Controller" will make it really difficult for you to go your separate ways. They will hold up your money, they will create dramas in your life, you never could have imagined. They will even go to counselling to be seen to be getting themselves sorted. There will even possibly be a reconciliation between you. They were your sole-mate! You have to give them another chance.Sadly it is a very small amount of "Controllers" that ever stop being just that. In their defense they are often not even unaware of what they are doing.
I believe it is a learned behavior. This particular "Controller", I found out much later of course; at a very young age used to spit in their Mothers face and tear at her clothes when they didn't get their own way. They were never given other choices of how to behave. They were forever demanding attention no matter how they got it. Good or bad. Attention is attention.I am controller free now and have a very good controller radar. It is a very common and socially accepted behavior, sad to say.
What is the possibility of us listening to the clues?
What is the possibility of us seeing the signs that come up?
What is the possibility of us just being aware?
We have choices. We can choose to go there or not! We can choose to be more aware of who we allow into our lives.
Just remember If you are aware - you can "CHOOSE"
Since ending this relationship I have discovered "Access Energergy Transformation". This is where the work with being aware has some from. Living in the question is a very big part of this work. Realizing that everything is just a choice and we all have that ability to create our own lives just as we would choose them to be.
If you are interested in looking at the website for more information you can click on http://www.accessconsciousness.com I am a facilitator for Access and there are also many other people in many other countries that are all available to connect with you for any information you require. Check it out, who knows what you may discover about yourself. You choose!!
How Can it Get Any Better Than Than? - What Else is Possible? -
Thank you for reading my Article - cheers Jacqui Francis
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
Added: June 10, 2008
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