I m Fat Again! Got a Pocket Note Pad?

Weight is a problem for fat old men like me. It is being overweight that I'm talking about. And I am over weight again-and me an experienced dieter too.

It is all the blame of the harsh Idaho winter that kept me indoors too much and the fact that I own a computer.

Yes, I did get on my treadmill and my pushy-pulley muscle building machine al a Charles Atlas "dynamic tension" where you make your muscles work your muscles.

It didn't help.

For your information, Charles Atlas was the guy that knocked out the guy who kicked sand in his face and stole his girl. He didn't hit the guy at the time. He ran home and developed "dynamic tension." With DA, he got big muscles that allowed him to put the sand-kicker to sleep with one great punch. Then he took his girl back.

It is a wonderful story.

I have my own diet rules. However, I don't always follow them so I suffer. My heart doctor here in Idaho is very polite but he never mentions that I am over weight.

In Arizona, my heart doctor was very interested in my weight and he told me that I should weigh 187, not 323. But, I don't have that kind of support now.

My diet rule is that I record what I eat. There is something about writing down what you eat when you eat it that becomes important to you.

In the past I have made up charts of my weight measured each week. These charts let me say, "Look what I did."

But doing that gets old.

I also once recorded the amount of fat and calories I consumed. I even plotted that. But I found that my diet doesn't vary that much, that I don't eat fatty foods too often--if you don't count when I go to the Mexican restaurant down the street.

If you are fat like me it helps to tell yourself, "Being fat is not my fault at all. My mother made me clean my plate."

Maybe your excuse is a false lover who tried to get his (or her) way with you but didn't love you at all. Be glad if you didn't give him (or her) his way.

Maybe it was those girls talking you overheard that said that you were not all that pretty, or if you were a boy, not sexy.

Maybe, if you were a girl, it was your gym teacher that said you would be better at weight lifting than tennis. Or maybe you tried out for football and was not even allowed to carry the water.

So it wasn't your fault.

Here are some things that might help you to eat less:

1. If you want to eat, take a hike (No! Not in the direction of McDonalds ).

2. Say to yourself over and over again, "I am a rabbit."

3. Eat a chocolate bar as soon as you wake up in the morning. It must be one of those jumbo size bars and you must eat it as rapidly as you can. That should make what should be a pleasurable experience un-pleasurable and you will give up on eating too much chocolate especially in the morning. If one bar doesn't do it, eat six. Eat until you toss our cookies.

Oh, forget Number 3. It just won't work on true chocolate lovers.

4. When you get out of the shower stand in front of a full-length mirror. Now you can see your feet. Say to yourself, "I still have feet. I can walk off this lard."

And the main rule is to write down every crumb you eat. Use one of those small pocket note pads that you can slip into your shirt pocket of which you are only allowed to fill one page each day. When the page is full, you are finished eating for the day.

You are only allowed to write one item on each line so it doesn't matter how big or small you write.

Line 1. Chocolate Bar
Line 2. Big Mac
Line 3. Loaf of bread
Line 4. Package of baloney
Line 5. Big scoop of mayonnaise
Line 6. Quart of Butter Brickle ice cream

Get the idea?

You will need some love too. As you lose weight you may be asked by rude people if you have lost some weight. If they do simply say, "Why yes I have. Have you seen it?"

They might laugh and give you a consolatory hug.

When you are about to open that freezer door, at midnight to get a chocolate and nut covered ice cream cone, say, "God loves me. God love me."

If you open the door anyway and eat the ice cream cone covered with nuts and chocolate, make sure you write it down!

Well, keep eating!

NO! Not that much!

I've got to get to work on these muscles.

Fly Old Glory!

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