Funny Pics - More Than For the Lulz
Funny images on the internet are almost as popular as that other thing that you always clear your cookies for and is most assuredly not safe for work. There's a very good chance that the first image you ever saw on the internet could be labeled as funny; or least tried to be funny. How is it different today from when the internet first started entering homes across the world? The most popular funny pics today are undoubtedly lolcat images, which combine word captions (in this instance conveying emotion or conversation) and lovable kitties. The lolcat images are really an evolution of humor's existence on the internet.
You Won t Find Sesame Street on MapQuest
Sesame Street must exist in an alternate universe. I recently asked a fellow, "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, where the air is sweet? " He gazed at me rather curiously and quickly walked away. I searched today, but couldn't find Sesame Street on Google Earth or MapQuest. I would like to find this wondrous street, and perhaps live there even as a homeless man. I would very much like to live in a place where it's sunny every day and be able to bask in the cool shade next to Oscar's trash can. I yearn for cookies. I feel as if I'm destined to live in a world (or on a street) where gluttony is an acceptable practice -- a street where Cookie Monster, not Diet Pill Monster, is a renowned icon.
On Switch, Off Switch
I don't like being mentally ill because it means that sometimes my mind can't understand things as well as healthy minds. I know that I am inferior to the big Incorporated Corporated Conglomerated Companies who are successful and whose minds are not ill. Personally, I don't think of myself as being mentally ill, but rather I have a brain that has a mild cold or is allergic to normalcy. I own electrical appliances. I have two Ethernet routers that don't have switches to turn them on or off. I have an amplified antenna for my television that plugs into an outlet, but it doesn't have an on or off switch.
Fake Marriage Licenses?
Let's face it - America is a country obsessed with documentation. If it's not on paper, signed, sealed and certified, then it didn't happen or doesn't even exist. Fortunately, this obsession can be turned to your advantage - for example, with a fake marriage license! As some battle-scarred marriage veterans can attest, there may be many occasions when you really do need to prove that your (future) husband did agree to always leave the toilet seat down, or to never eat the last serving of chocolate ice cream in the fridge! One type of fake marriage license, with several humorous terms clearly spelled out, can get all those contentious terms in writing to clear up misunderstandings once and for all.
Top 5 Fresh Jokes
Gender roles A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous, " said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles? " To which the Kuwaiti woman replied: "Land mines." Wrong Book A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint! " "Yes, sir?
Save Money - Outsource to a Prison!
What can we do with the exploding prison population in America? Recently I was watching an interview with an inmate who is serving a life sentence for murder. During the interview he was asked the ultimate question: "You are locked up in your cell 23 hours a day... What in the world do you do all day? " His answer was very simple: "I spend my time writing". The authorities are always trying to come up with creative solutions as to what can be done with these inmates all day. What can be done to lower the level of violence? Someone who is locked up is bound to explode and on many levels he presents a threat to the officer who is guarding him as well as too his fellow inmates.
Beyond Global Internet Marketing
SEO for extraterrestrials It is a good idea to target extraterrestrials in order to break away from the over crowded global marketing scene here on earth. Lets use the Klingons from Star Trek as a case study to show the best methodology for extraterrestrial SEO. Our first goal is to help people on Earth to market to Klingons. Although there are many technical problems, this group is worth targeting now that they are allies of the United Federation of Planets. Less money spent on making war frees up more disposable income. First, if you want to see if Klingons are a market. Google has a Klingon interface which proves just that.
Help Desk Stories
Customer: "Uhh... I need help unpacking my new PC." Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem? " Customer: "I can't open the box." Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there." Customer: "Uhhhh... ok, thanks... ." Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed? " Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there? " Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk and now my A: drive won't work." Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work? " Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all.
How to Properly Deactivate a Bomb
Movies have been made for decades -- many of them involve a bomb being deactivated. When I see a scene in which a bomb is deactivated 1-3 seconds before it's about to explode, I'm not impressed by the script writing. If I ever write a screenplay that includes a scene in which a bomb has to be deactivated, creativity will be my primary objective. In my story, the bomb will have one wire. That wire will be cut and the timer will stop. The timer's digital display will read no less than sixteen hundred seconds remaining. My idea lacks suspense, but it contains originality. I'm confident I'll be able to write some intensity into the remaining 118 minutes of the film.
Some Guys Have All the Luck
When I was in high school the best way to meet girls was to join a rock'n'roll band. These days you'd be better served by joining The Young Democrats Club. Thanks (in no small part) to the "alleged" escapades of our beloved President Bill "Do You Wanna Touch Me" Clinton, politicians have joined the ranks of TV evangelists and errant sportscasters as the men most likely to get caught with their pants down. Guilty or not, Bill Clinton has become the Marv Albert of the politico set, and the American people could not care less. Despite all his troubles, the President's approval rating soared to an all-time high last week.