Destination: Homosexual
I took up yoga a few years back, when I felt Madonna and I were driftincg apart. As youngsters, Madonna and I were both carefree, independent, and sexually promiscuous. Entering my mid-20s, I was still all of those things, but Madonna had mostly moved on. With two kids and a husband, Madonna became more of a soccer mom than a sexpot. So to retain our deep, lifelong friendship, I had to either take up yoga or learn the Kabala. Since the actual definition for "Kabala" is "Judaism for Gentiles", I opted for yoga. I also joined the yoga movement for palliative reasons. Among my various odd physical ailments -- the kind that won't kill you, won't make you stronger, but will annoy the shit out of you -- I suffer from Benign Posturial Vertigo, which basically is an establishment way of saying that I get dizzy (and, as a result, nauseous) unless I'm either standing upright or my head is propped up on several pillows.
Ah, Candy and Memories - What Are Your Favorites?
"It would be so much fun to be a writer! " What could be hard about it? Sure, I've heard of "writers block", but that should be easily overcome. A friend of mine asked me to write blogs for his company. What did he want me to write about? It's a great topic. One that I LOVE. It should be pretty easy to research, after all. I'm great with typing, and I have good English skills. "Sure, why not? It has to be pretty simple! " was my answer to his query. So I sat down to write about "candy". Who doesn't love chocolate? Who doesn't love to hear about the origins of Bazooka Joe? His company offers 48 varieties of nostalgic candy.
Bye, George
George Carlin is gone. A text message from my girlfriend early this morning told me the news that George Carlin had died. I immediately felt terrible and rolled back over, wanting to go back to sleep and not even think about the bad news until later in the day. Just the night before, I'd gotten back home after a month on the road and was feeling a bit exhausted, ready to take a few days off and not deal with the Comedy Business for a while. With this bad news, I ended up spending the rest of the day thinking about hardly anything else, and I know I'll be having moments just like this for at least the next week or two.
Life Can Be Funny - And Should!
Do we really need humor? How important is laughter in our lives? For many years, we knew humor was fun, and laughter made us feel better, but we didn't know the full story. Recent studies at University Of Md. Medical School point towards laughter being not just important, but pertinent to our health, job, relationships. Like jogging or walking, laughter produces very similar endorphins that help preserve our immune system. More studies have shown that it even increases brain function which may even serve to increase IQ capabilities. As if all this were not enough, it is an ideal natural stress reducer.
The Beer, the BBQ, the Bat!
My brother, Rick, invited me over one Saturday night for a barbecue and beer. His wife had gone camping with her girlfriends, so it was like our own boys night out. It threatened to rain, but that didn't dampen our spirits and we sat outside. We started to barbecue and listen to his newest blues CDs on his portable player. Many laughs and several beers later the rain forced us to take the party inside. What more could anyone ask for? Various genres of blues wafting through the house, ice cold beer flowing, steaks cooked to perfection, and, oh yeah... the bat flying around the livingroom.
Humorous Buzz Words That Get Us to Pay More
Summer is fast approaching and companies are gearing up their advertising plans to convince us to spend more. It can be entertaining to listen to their buzz words. One of the buzz word phrases that have been around for a while is: "Can we Biggy Size that." This phrase means: "Can we get you to pay more for more food." Of course the regular order of food was enough and when we: "Biggy size that" it really means: "Can we add more to your expanding waist line." I think a new phrase is needed: "Can we calorie reduce that for you." Think about how much greener that would be. Going green is of course the latest buzz word.
Rufus, the Dog Who Went to Church
It was a very hectic time for Peter's family as they planned to move to a new city. The preparations seemed endless. The house was filled with boxes from one end to the other; everything was labeled to make it easy to find a household item quickly. "Have you seen the toothpaste? " "I left it in the bathroom; I won't pack it until the morning just before we leave." "It is all gone." "We used it up? Well, there should be another tube in the box with the household goods. You'll find it somewhere in the front room." "All the front room packages are already packed on the truck! " Some people describe moving as exciting;
3 of History s Best Pranks
Mischievousness and laughter is a part of all of us. Everyone loves a comedian! We have genres dedicated to it, and many businesses thrive on making people laugh as well. People from all walks of life, all over the world, prank and joke each other every day. We even have a day of the year dedicated to pulling pranks! But not all pranks are created equal. Here are ones which fooled enough people to become the few of the world's best. 1. Swiss Spaghetti Harvest - Considered the best prank ever, it only goes to show how gullible people are, or how willing they are to agree with an authority.
Putting Meat on the Table
Mother had a large garden and worked very hard to prepare the vegetables for eating during summer and prepare the rest for winter. Seemed like Dad spent his time working on the other crops; turning over the small hunting duties to me. Yep - 10 years old and putting meat on the table. I was the proud owner of a small Stevens 22, single shot, used only short 22 cartridges. Often Mother would give me three shells to hunt for food: cotton tail rabbits or squirrels. Seems like bragging now, but I regularly returned with something for Mother skin and cook. Squirrel was my favorite! Mother floured and fried everything except the tail.
Fair is a Place
Kids are always whining about how unfair life is. When I was growing up, I was told that "fair is a place where men go to throw cow pats to win prizes". I've also heard "fare is what people pay to ride the bus". Either way, the point is that life just isn't fair; at least not in the way we'd like it to be. We obviously gauge what we consider fair by how things affect us personally. It's normal to feel that you've been dealt a raw hand when you don't get the raise or promotion you've worked so hard for. It's understandable for anyone who has suffered a debilitating life event to feel as if someone or something is out to get him.