Top Ten Fourth of July Jokes
As far as holidays go, American Independence Day is just not as funny as Halloween, Christmas or Thanksgiving. I base this bold statement on the number of holiday jokes we get from kids at JokesByKids.com. Halloween is the runaway winner, followed by Christmas and Thanksgiving. Poor 4th of July barely makes a showing. But as summer approaches, and those cold weather holidays are a distant memory, we have to make due with the jokes we have at end. So, without further ado, here are the top ten 4th of July jokes sent in by kids (and one grownup) from all over the country. 10) What's red, white, blue, and green?
Stupid Product Labels
I just can't believe some of the ridiculous things you can find on product labels these days. For instance, I've got a 2 ton floor jack with an adjustment screw on the side that has a plastic cap clamped right on the top of the adjustment screw with the words "Do Not Adjust" printed on it. Now, if I'm not supposed to adjust it, why does it come with an adjustment screw? Hmmm? But wait! There are far worse labels than this. That was just a simple one to get you warmed up. The other day I bought a bottle of generic "aspirin". Now, you know how generic brands always ask you to compare them to name brand products.
Only in Portland
Maybe it's the weather, or maybe it's just a good day to be a little off. Some of it has to do no doubt with the fact that I work in mental health and these people fascinate me rather than worry me. Whatever it is, only here in Portland do I get to ride the bus downtown, and while waiting for the streetcar get to have a smoke with some guy who is homeless and schizophrenic tell me all about how he is planning on getting his middle finger cut off because a cat bit him. I saw the finger, it was obviously swollen, but I doubt he needed to have it amputated. Then he tells me what a "bi***" this will be because he plays bass guitar.
Federer Needs to Check the Deeds on His Property Portfolio A Satirical View
With the recent World economic downturn which has had an impact on the housing market it has come to light that Roger Federer has been inspecting his property portfolio. The business empire that has been built up over the past 6 or 7 years with many properties dotted around the globe is now under scrutiny. Looking back, it quickly becomes obvious that the fortunes of this company was built around the now substantial Hotel he bought from the Swedish Borg organization in Wimbledon, the apartment block in New York, the lovely house in Melbourne and the apartment in Paris Apparently the apartment he has in Paris is up for sale as it doesn't look as though he will be spending a lot of time there in the future and the shadow cast over it by the ever expanding Spanish hotel that stands opposite is keeping the light out.
Stand-Up Comedy With Funny Man and Break-Dancer, Lawrence Leung
We get down and funky with award-winning comedian, Lawrence Leung, from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. He's successfully made the complex topic of science an enjoyable and entertaining experience by incorporating break-dancing and quirky experiments in his live acts. So what really goes on inside the mind of an 'Albert Einstein-cum-Eddie Murphy' type of person? Lawrence takes us on his intimate journey. Interviewer: What were you like as a child growing up? Lawrence: I remember being a curious child. I wanted to know how things worked so took apart telephones and clocks. Sometimes they didn't work again so I got into trouble.
The Need For Sense of Humour in Life
What is life without a sense of humor? Man would be nothing but a reasoning animal without it. Many a life has been inspired by the ability to laugh in a tough situation and smile at the miseries of life. The drudgery of life is often relieved by these little glorious moments of humor. The capacity to see the flip side of life in the day to day situations and to come out of the bottlenecks of life, with a smile is indeed a great blessing, a great gift of the Gods. Charlie Chaplin had often said that he would not have survived the greatest battles of his life with out the great sense of humour he had.
Things You Don t Say to a Cop Down South
Fade in: Ext. Highway-Day A minivan with New Jersey license plates is pulled over by a Florida police officer. He is dressed in full southern state police uniform, complete with mirrored sunglasses. He walks calmly and deliberately to the driver's side window, where we see Steve, in his thirties, awaiting the officer's arrival. The officer appears at the window with his citation book in hand. Officer Good morning. Steve Yeah, it's a good morning for you. You're not a northerner being pulled over by some redneck cop. Officer I see y'all are from out of state. Steve Well, that's how Interstate gun trafficking works.
If We Are God s Instruments - We Are Playing Out of Tune
The philosopher Karl or Groucho Marx once (and maybe twice) said that "Religion is the opiate of the people." No one had any clue what he meant. Until now. Until me. That's right - today I am about to broach the most controversial topic known to man (other than whether Clay Aiken's soon-to-be-born baby will be of a recognizable gender - or if it will take after him.) The controversial topic to which I refer is Religion, which somehow seems scarier when it is typed with all-caps in a vaguely Gothic font. At the outset, or - since this is already the third paragraph - at the not-quite-so outset, I should (in the interests of full-disclosure) reveal that I myself am a practicing Shiite Baptist.
Clean Comedians in Chicago
Having "grown up" in the Midwest as a stand up comedian and now as president of "Clean Comedians Chicago", I know that clean comedians in the Chicago area are a rare commodity these days. However, with the overkill of provocative comedy on cable television, they are making a comeback. Clean comedians in Chicago are ahead of the game. I first took the stage in the mid-70's when television's comedy heroes were just beginning to change. While my parents still laughed at the one-liners of Bob Hope and the gimmicks of Red Skelton, a new generation was forming that would follow in the footsteps of Lenny Bruce and George Carlton.
Clean Comedians Chicago
Having "grown up" in the Midwest as a stand up comedian and now as president of "Clean Comedians Chicago", I know that clean comedians in the Chicago area are a rare commodity these days. However, with the overkill of provocative comedy on cable television, they are making a comeback. Clean comedians in Chicago are ahead of the game. I first took the stage in the mid-70's when television's comedy heroes were just beginning to change. While my parents still laughed at the one-liners of Bob Hope and the gimmicks of Red Skelton, a new generation was forming that would follow in the footsteps of Lenny Bruce and George Carlton.