The Football Widow

The official term for a"football widow," is any woman involved in a relationship with a sports fan (often a follower of football, soccer, or rugby) who pays more attention to the game than to their partner during the sport's season of play. Football widows usually have little or no interest in the sport themselves.

These women are left to fend for themselves during the NFL season. If you don't believe me, go to the internet and read some of the football blogs. These poor forsaken women are pouring out their souls to anyone who will listen.

They can be found at the local grocery shopping for their man's beer, wings and nacho chips. They are easy to recognize because there will be no husband or boyfriend around for miles-the men are at home warming up the couch and big screen television.

Rumor has it that these men sit in front of their television sets so long they begin to grow cobwebs. You will recognize them on Monday morning because they will have spiders nesting in their hair.

I have been an NFL fan for over 30 years. I own NFL memorabilia, pictures and cups of my favorite team. I am a recovering NFL addict and try to limit myself to watching no more than 4 games per week.

Most women don't understand the madness that overcomes a man during an NFL game.

They can't explain what makes a grown man put on a Viking helmet or wear a dress and a pig snout and call himself a "hog."

I don't understand the madness either. Just the mere thought of a 300 pound linebacker crushing some 200 pound quarterback is enough to send me over the edge.

Being a former addict, I can offer some helpful advice to the football widow. Give your man household jobs he can complete while sitting on the couch. For example, my wife gives me clothes to fold while I watch games.

My final solution is to use this time to bond with your man...since you can't legally beat him, why not join him?

Ladies, I suggest you go to the library and borrow a football guide. If you become informed, you can sit with your man and enjoy the game with him.

Trust me, he will be impressed when you tell him a sack is when the QB gets tackled behind the line of scrimmage and not what his beer was carried in.

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08 Jan 2009 06:10:56

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