Lu Lu Bear Gets Booted From Jury Duty
Lu Lu Bear got an unexpected official invitation in the mail: jury summons notification. Lu Lu Bear sighed immediately and wondered out loud how she could get out of this civic obligation? Being truthful at heart, she didn't have the nerve to fake an excuse so Lu Lu Bear showed up anyway.
Jury duty seemed to be a whole lot of meaningless time spent contained in a large room with a hundred other potential jurors. Time just slogged by and then the court clerk started calling out names. Lu Lu Bear took her number and stood in line and then they marched the jury pool up to the court room and each bear sat in their assigned seats.
Across from the jury pool were two attorneys looking like they sold used cars late at night. They sat next to some scarey looking wild boar thugs: one male, one female. Lu Lu Bear wondered how comfortable that female boar felt with her long curved tusk all polished up for the occasion? Any wild boar worth its menacing tusk would ever stoop to using tooth paste. No wild boar would ever would be seen dressed in a pink business suit. No wild boar would look clean shaven and neat.
Opposite them was a well groomed and dignified attorney, the prosecutor. The judge asked the jury pool if anyone in the room had personal cause to be excused from this hearing. Lu Lu Bear thought about how she needed to make Oregon grape jelly and sweep the leaves out of her den, but she didn't think the judge would honor her excuse.
One by one the prosecutor asked the jury about their families, their career, and where in Beardom they lived. The prosecutor seemed solemn about his presentation. This was a trial where two wild boars attacked a police bear and gravely injured him. Metham~mushrooms were involved and this meant the two wild boars might spend a whole lot of time contained in an iron gated community on the prairies far from urban beardom.
The defense attorneys consisted of one short fat Hedgehog, the other was a Snake with a wide viper grin and one tooth missing. The Snake in the Grass wrapped his long slithering tail around the jury pool and smiled his sawtoothy grin in an unconvincing display of trust and friendship. Lu Lu Bear wonder if he wasn't a snake on male enhancement drugs?
The questions continued and one by one the jurors answered the same inquiries with what they thought the Snake and Hedgehog wanted to hear. The defense attorneys suggested animal racism helped arrest his boars, but Lu Lu Bear thought they probably got detained because they looked like thugs. It's called thug profiling.
Lu Lu Bear also told the court that animal rascism was not quite what it was in 1968, that all of beardom should be given more credit for being more accepting of animal differences.
The Snake in the Grass asked everyone in the courtroom if the accused' attorneys would be behind the yellow tape at a crime scene? One by one, the citizen bears said "No.", except Lu Lu Bear. She told them the attorneys were already there.
"How can that be?" demanded the Snake in the Grass. "Oh yes," said Lu Lu Bear, "they were already there. They chased the ambulance."........... to the uproar of the entire courtroom.
The Snake in the Grass grimmaced and slithered away without responding at all. Lu Lu Bear herself couldn't stop laughing.
Then the Hedgehog asked Lu Lu Bear what would happen if the jury pool consisted of all attorneys and she replied, "We'd start getting paid $120 per hour."
But the final laugh came when the Hedgehog asked what lu Lu Bear thought when she got her summons in the mail and she replied, "How can I get out of this?" The Hedgehog looked vacant and Lu Lu Bear said, "Well, you asked."
Lu Lu Bear got her wish. And she was pretty glad. Lu Lu Bear did not want to have nightmares thinking about what two wild boars could do when they got cornered by a police bear.
The next hearing involved another assault case, but this time it was a man who attacked a bouncer at a bear night club. Lu Lu Bear wondered why the defense attorney would ask one citizen bear, who was a police bear, so many questions when they would never ever want a police bear on their jury? She wished she had asked that attorney why he was wasting every bear's time trout fishing?
During these proceedings, Lu Lu Bear had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to Hippo who could not wipe his butt after doing what all hippos need to do at least once a day. His odor was suffocating. Lu Lu Bear complained to the court.
In the end, the court put Hippo on the jury and Lu Lu Bear once again got excused.
Lu Lu Bear did not want to do jury duty. And she didn't.
End of story.
Go Eng Girl! LU Ready for Mentoring - Net Newsledger
LU soccer teams face northern rivals - NorthernLife.ca
NorthernLife.ca LU soccer teams face northern rivals NorthernLife.ca, Canada - The Laurentian Voyageurs and Lady Vees soccer teams travel to North Bay on Wednesday, October 15 as they will take on their northern rivals, the Nipissing ...